The Role of Reflection in Navigating ADHD Challenges

Introduction

My name is Michaela Thomas and I am a Clinical Psychologist, psychotherapist, speaker, and founder of the psychology practice The Thomas Connection.  

I work with ADHD individuals, specialising in perfectionism and its ties with stress, anxiety, depression, productivity, procrastination, and burnout.  I support my clients to let go of the things they cannot change and find gentle, practical steps to change the things they can control. 

Having been diagnosed with ADHD myself in 2023, I understand the challenges of the individuals I work with. My practices encourage self-compassion – this is hugely important when it can feel like your brain is working against you. 

Pause-Purpose-Play 

One of the key ways I support my clients is by utilising the Pause-Purpose-Play method. This is a framework I developed that helps manage stress, perfection and overwhelm. It is a great tool for individuals with ADHD or those dealing with mental health issues.

This method aims to bring more balance to my client’s lives by using mindfulness and intention-setting techniques. I want those I work with to lead their most fulfilling, aligned life. In order to achieve this, we look to find ways for them to soften and chip away at unhelpful patterns.

Let’s explore how each of the three key components works.

1.Pause 

This step encourages clients to slow down the frantic overperforming energy that makes them feel fizzy and anxious, and inevitably the way to burnout, and instead find space to reflect on their thoughts, feelings, and actions. We can easily find ourselves stuck in unhelpful or repetitive patterns by mindlessly running on autopilot because we’re so overwhelmed, so it’s important to look for ways to interrupt the status quo to create a change.

Here are some of the key elements of Pause:

• Mindfulness: I encourage individuals to tune in, without judgement, to the present moment. We use tools like breathwork, breathing, journaling, meditation to take time to notice our outer surroundings and our inner world. I adapt the practices to adjust for how ADHDers struggle with coming to stillness, encouraging use of fidget tools and movement to still notice thoughts and feelings in our mind, as well as sensations in our body. It’s about awareness, not necessarily being completely still (which can feel boring or threatening).  

• Self-awareness: I show my clients why they need to take a moment to tune into what’s happening with their mind and body, as this helps them recognise if they feel stressed, impulsive or overwhelmed – or even hungry, thirsty or needing the toilet! By taking a pause and training their brain to improve their interoceptive awareness (noticing what happens within them), they can be more on top of meeting their own needs. This helps keep burnout at bay by topping yourself up before you are fully depleted. 

• Creating space: Pausing also allows individuals to create the mental clarity needed to respond thoughtfully and intentionally rather than reacting automatically – with better consequences for you than acting in impulse has... That can come from for instance giving yourself the boundary to only respond to triggering emails, messages, request after 24 hours, to allow the feelings to sit before you do something you can’t take back, just because your brain got hi-jacked by Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD).

Applying the Pause in your day-to-day life

ADHDers have a tendency to say ‘yes’ to too many commitments. When you get a request, before responding, try taking a moment to think. This allows you to decide whether you have the capacity and desire to follow through with the commitment. Can I do this? Or am I people pleasing by saying yes, and will end up overpromising and underdelivering, feeling guilty and ashamed about letting someone down? Most likely it is the latter, and you need to set a boundary for yourself, and others. 

2. Purpose 

When you pause for long enough to become aware of how you live your life and what’s working/not working in it, you can identify your Purpose – i.e. why you do things and who you want to be in this world. This is where I help clients to clarify their values and priorities and set intentional goals to be aligned with what feels meaningful to them. When you have ADHD, it's easy to veer off track if you think something is pointless, so setting clear goals which are aligned with your why is crucial.

Here are some key elements of Purpose: 

• Values-based living: Here, we look at ensuring actions are aligned with core values. This may relate to relationships, career, health, or personal growth. 

• Intention setting: Purpose encourages a more intentional mindset rather than passively reacting to things that happen in life. I encourage clients to reflect on what they want to achieve and what matters the most to them when they set goals and intentions, so they feel purposeful. 

• Filtering out noise: People with ADHD can often find themselves chasing too many ideas or commitments simultaneously. I support individuals by helping them laser-focus on what’s meaningful to them and resisting unhelpful distractions, like the Shiny Objects which hook their attention away from what will actually help them progress. 
 
Applying the Purpose in your day-to-day life

If one of your priorities is to improve your physical health, watch out for the ‘all or nothing’ approach, which is typical for ADHDers, but unsustainable long-term and will leave you feeling demotivated when you fail to do your new exercise regime ‘perfectly’. Instead, try setting realistic, achievable goals that align with your energy levels, meeting yourself as the person you are with the circumstances you have. If you are a parent of young ones, perimenopausal and incredibly busy at work, it isn’t realistic to go from zero exercise to 6 times a week...  
  
3. Play

The final step is Play. This means creating space for joy, creativity, experimentation and connection. Whilst responsibility is important, this needs to be balanced with moments of lightness and fun. If you have ADHD, play can act as both a reset button and a reward. 

Here are some key elements of Play:
 
• Joy and fun: This plays a huge part in all of my practices. I encourage those I work with to play around, be silly and have fun. Play isn’t about being unproductive or lazy - it’s an opportunity to recharge and nourish the soul. Because all work and no play makes you a dull person – and ADHDers can bring a high-energy vibe which is magnetic and contagious, if we allow ourself to make space for that joy, being “a little bit extra”.  

• Counterweight for balance: Life can be challenging, so make sure to include moments of joy and spontaneity to counterbalance the more difficult moments. Play brings in light to the dark, and humour and laughter can help us through the tears.

• Curiousity and creativity: When my clients think of play as playing around with ideas, using curiosity to experiment with new things or solving problems, play feels more within reach. It is about an element of psychological flexibility, of being open-minded to creating new solutions and perspectives. That’s playful too – and you can be outright creative with one of your dozens of new hobbies, like painting, singing, playing an instrument, writing or doing crafts. 
  
Applying Play in your day-to-day life 

Try dancing to your favourite song, engaging in a creative, stimulating hobby or spending time with loved ones without worrying about your to-do list. Be more in the moment to notice how good it feels to just have some fun.
  
Why does the Pause-Purpose-Play method work? 

This framework combines reflection, intentionality, and self-compassion. Many individuals with ADHD frequently experience overthinking, overwhelm and guilt, because of the negativity bias we have in our brains. That’s not your fault. You then have a choice, to learn to cultivate compassion and ways of supporting yourself through the hard times, and reflecting on what is helpful rather than harmful for you.

1. For reflection: ‘Pause’ encourages individuals to pause and look inward. This builds awareness of their habits, needs and wants. 
2. For goal setting: The ‘Purpose’ element ensures goals align with core values. This makes them more meaningful and achievable. 
3. For self-care: ‘Play’ reminds individuals to prioritise joy and balance in their lives. This is essential to sustain wellbeing and motivation. 
  
Conclusion  

Whether your priority is to deepen your relationships, advance in your career, or improve your health, this method empowers individuals to take small, intentional steps toward a brighter future. 
  
About the author 

Michaela Thomas offers ADHD assessments, coaching, therapy and membership in her ADHD Club. You can read more about the services on offer here. As well as her therapeutic work, she hosts the ‘Pause Purpose Play’ podcast about ADHD, perfectionism and compassion.